To be ostomized, how to accept it ?
The body has ceased to function perfectly. It hurts, bleeds, oozes, alters, swelling, limping, burns, aging, does not see, hear, has an OSTOMY. You hate it, you would erase everything and you wonder why, why just you and not someone else.
Your life is no longer the same and everything is made in function of your ostomy. Your relationship, your releases, your diet, your friends. You suck, you do not accept it, you cry, you despair.
you should also be angry.
But you are right.
Listen and express these feelings of rejection.
It is a processing and it's necessary.
No one should ask you to immediately accept your ostomy.
No one must request to consider the ostomy the safety of your own life, at least not right away, and no one will have to ask you to go back right now, when you were good. You had not got an ostomy but now you're richer. And you know it, you've already figured out that the ostomy will not be a too high wall, and will soon knock down.
Do you Walk ?, do you brush ?, do you eat? do you dress fashionable? Don't you see it? The ostomy is not an obstacle.
It takes time, take your time, and this is not the same for everyone. Weeks, months, years, or maybe never. But in this passage of time, you will notice that your body will speak to you, and your complaints verbal signals that you will only decipher.
Your body will manifest the desire to be attractive again, it will ask you to go out and get kissed by nature, by the sun, by the wind, and it will ask soon, because this is the normal principle of survival. Uman people can not live in isolation for long time. The psyche would suffer too much damage and you do not want it, really?.
Try to be rich with a new contact with nature. With your garden, if you have it, or with a bouquet of fresh flowers on your kitchen table, a scented candle always litting, the smell of rain.
Cry. Because tears mustn't scare you.
Cry, if you've never done it and cry if you have not done enough. You'll discover later, a new energy, and vital.
Listen to the upbeat music. And turn up the volume if you can. The power of music hurts in your head, it's magic.
Remember that if a lot of people around you will put you in a hurry, you will need to stop yourself and bring on your own time. Pay no attention to them. But assure them if you can. say them that you will able to do in future. Say and repeat this thing out loud.
Tell people around you to be patient.
Let go away who reject you. He does not love you enough.
But if those who reject you is "your partner", perhaps the reason is not the ostomy. It's your face. It's just you, that change your life so much, too much, and you forget desease is an event that everyone will know sooner or later. The disease does not spare anyone. It's part of life. Give your partner time to realize that you are always the same. But hurry, because he does not have infinity patience.
Do not get commiserate. You do not need it, you aren't disabled. And then, the helpless victim is not 'able to see a way out, it remains in the den, but you want to go out, is that right?.
Know other people with an ostomy like you, they can make you feel less alone. Join groups or associations. Facebook is a great resource. Make yourself useful, it always need to do good for the other. This will make you feel very important.
Nurture true friendships. True friends are those who come to see you and not ask you how you are. They are smart, they already know. True friends are the ones that make you laugh, and do not have to ask "can I come?," They come all the same.
Go beyond the appearance of the pain. It enriches you and look this experience as a good opportunity . You will be stronger than the other, you'll be ready for other battles. Write it, Tell it. Secretly, in a diary, or publicly.
Look in the mirror now. Right away. Take a mirror or triggered by a selfie with a smile.
Don't you see it? you are always you. Why ostomy should turn you off the smile?
Send disease out of your world. We live in an age in which people die only when they let go themselves, when they consider only the negative part of themselves, when they become overwhelmed by the mountain of problems that they can see from the valley. It seem the Everest.
Try to go on top of that mountain. It will seem so small ....
What do you want now? If you do not believe on it really, you do not get it.
What do you want now? Go.
...sorry for the language's mistakes
Fanni Guidolin
Stomatherapist and nurse incontinence's rehabilitator
CaStelfranco Veneto's Hospital
